Our Sidestepping Has Come to be a Brilliant Dance

Our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance.

2011-12-06T10:46:00.001-06:00

Who knew the title of my blog would also be a post title?

Le sigh.

I'm in a seasonal, can't-quite-grasp-why, want-to-cry-and-pull-my-hair-out, FUNK.

Super Psyched!

2011-09-05T23:22:00.001-05:00

It's sixty-two degrees outside - 62! I actually FEELS like Fall! I am elated. I cannot express just how much I am in love with the Autumn season. I'd probably give a female child the middle name Autumn because I love it THAT much. Ok, maybe I'd name a female animal Autumn instead. Pumpkin Spice Lattes return to Starbucks tomorrow -- people LOVE those lattes! I'm not the biggest fan but they just remind me of Fall in a cup topped with whipped cream.

What do you love about Autumn?

Apology

2011-08-21T18:17:00.000-05:00

Dear blog,

I will return to you again, sooner than later. I am too busy enjoying the sunshine.

Sincerely,
Kerri

Boys...

2011-06-29T15:03:00.001-05:00

Looking around at the light saber, Lego pieces, and toys left throughout the house I get very emotional. Jake and John were just picked up, heading to Silver Dollar City with their mom, and will not be back for three weeks. (They won't be at Silver Dollar City for three weeks. I am going to Boston for 8 days and work for six days prior.) My heart breaks at how much I already miss them. It's only been five minutes since they left. I have never loved another person the way I love those boys. They consume my being in everything I do - from my work schedule to my every thought.

Sigh. Being apart is rough.

Success!

2011-06-22T17:08:00.000-05:00

This morning I weighed myself and achieved a major weight loss goal: FORTY pounds down!
I actually teared up while standing on the scale. On March 3 (just 16 weeks ago) I weighed forty pounds more than I do now. Last night I picked up a 40 lb. bag of corn and was shocked at just how much it weighed. I put it on my shoulders and walked around with it for just a minute and was so ready to put that sack down. I feel worlds better now - both physically and in confidence. Every ten pounds lost from here on will be a milestone. I will reward myself with little things like a new shirt or pair of pants. This Friday I am getting a pedicure as my weight loss reward. Ideally, I'd like to lose another 35 pounds and then try to maintain that weight loss.

Thank you so much for all the encouragement. I appreciate it greatly and love the added push.

Healthier,
Kerri

Killers again and a photo

2011-06-19T20:41:00.000-05:00

Last I posted a blog I used a Killers song as the blog title. That very song is playing right now. CRAZY.
I did pray that God would give me the willpower and motivation to lose weight and He certainly did. "On my knees, looking for the answer..." - The Killers They sort of go hand-in-hand. Sort of.

This was taken today...

"On my knees looking for the answers...are we human, or are we dancers?"

2011-06-15T08:52:00.000-05:00

Ah, I sure do LOVE The Killers.

I think I should post a before and after photo of my weight loss progress but I am horrified by my "before" shot. Everyone I show says I did NOT look like that before...but the proof is in the photo, right? Here goes nothing...

In this photo I had lost 33 pounds.

As of today I am down 37.6 pounds. Just 2.6 pounds away from shedding FORTY pounds! This is very exciting for me. I'll have to post more photos soon.

Prayer Warrior

2011-06-06T13:41:00.002-05:00

I actually enjoying praying...in my head. I am not a fan of praying aloud, especially for others. It's SO hard for me. This weekend I was approached by a very dear friend and nudged to start praying for others aloud. This will take lots of (internal) prayer on my part. Your prayers are appreciated too.

Times are a changing

2011-06-02T09:23:00.000-05:00

So much has happened in the last two weeks, never mind the last time I blogged. Let's go back, for starters, ten years. Ten years ago yesterday I graduated from high school. Wow, just wow! To think of how different I am now than ten years ago is almost shocking yet awesome. I'm not talking physically different though I certainly have filled out some since good old "Cooley High."

June 1, 2001

That seems like a lifetime ago. I guess you could say it was since I've transformed greatly since 2001. I have traded in my summer camp counseling jobs for full-time desk jobs, experienced real heartache, done some real growing-up and living, and in 2006 found a real, amazing love for Jesus. Life is pretty stinking good.

________________

Almost two weeks ago, on May 22, 2011, devastation struck as a tornado whipped through Joplin, Missouri destroying well over 30% of the city. People lost their cars, homes, jobs, and some their lives. In the midst of this horrific disaster people came together and grew strong. It is a truly remarkable thing to see such hope in the middle of so much rubble. It will take months and years for Joplin to physically rebuild again but the hearts of so many are stronger than ever and more thankful than ever. I am so blessed to not have been affected much by the tornado. I am so grateful my family, friends, home, and workplace were untouched. I see now with fresh eyes and realize how important people, not things, are to me.

______________________

This weekend I am going to Omaha, Nebraska for the Interchange Conference where I am expecting great things from God. I am so eager to hear from Him and spend the weekend in His presence. I will be surrounded by great friends and inspiration. I will continue to pray for a changed self who loves Him and wants to walk with Him even more. I will also keep Joplin in my prayers and those volunteers who are sacrificing so much of themselves for this grateful city. My heart is heavy but also hopeful.

Accomplishment

2011-05-18T19:51:00.000-05:00

SUCCESS! I'd just like to boast for a moment about an accomplishment...

I am 30 pounds lighter!

It's a good day. A very good day.

Rambling about teeth and such.

2011-05-13T18:43:00.000-05:00

Hello Spring. Nope, hey Summer! Got to love wacky Midwest weather. I've learned no matter where one lives they'll ALWAYS complain about the weather. It's a conversation starter, ice breaker, and something everyone can talk about. Today is cloudy with a chance of potentially awesome moments ahead.

How are you? I am fantastic! I swear I have A.D.D when it comes to writing and keeping focus long enough to stay on one subject. I feel like I'm writing to myself so who cares if I'm all over the place, right? Right.

The 2010-2011 school years are coming to an end. Covenant Harvest School ends tomorrow. Joplin schools end June 3rd. Seems like that school year whizzed on bye. I am looking forward to taking a last-day-of-school photo of the boys in the same spot I snapped their first-day-of-school photo. Those boys have grown like weeds this school year and I'm curious to see photographic proof.

John is in the process of losing his second front tooth. Sadly he isn't going through that toothless phase--which is adorable!--since his big teeth are already growing in behind the baby teeth. It'll be good to see him with a tooth-filled mouth. Poor kid has been a few teeth shy of a full mouth of teeth since he was three. Due to all the medicine he was on and acid reflux his teeth were bad. He is OBSESSED with keeping his teeth white and clean. It's actually comical when he asks "Kerri, these cookies don't have sugar in them...do they?" I have to laugh and say "Actually, they do." He almost stopped eating them because he's convinced they'll rot his "grown up teeth." He always wants to be bigger than Jake and since he isn't he says "I will have better teeth than Jake. Mine are whiter right? Jake's are yellow." Oh boys and competition. John does have whiter teeth now. But we'll keep that between us.

I am looking forward to summer and it's potential for memory-making moments. I am planning on going back to Boston (solo) for a whole week in July. That will be a nice getaway. The beach is one of my absolute favorite places in all of God's creation. So relaxing, breath-taking, and serene. Did I mention I'm going alone? Alone and relaxing go hand-in-hand. I will miss Phil and the boys. I hate being away for more than four days or I get really homesick. I am rambling.

Today: brush your teeth so they're whiter than John's and do something kind for yourself and another.

Turkey Meatballs, yum!

2011-04-06T12:23:00.002-05:00

I am cooking at home these days and for those who know me, well, you know I am not so great in the kitchen. "I've got to admit it's getting better...A little better all the time" - The Beatles

I recently made what could be the most simple recipe ever of turkey meatballs. They were FANTASTIC, and not just according to me - Phil, Jake, and John ate all 18 meatballs in one sitting. I was shocked. I made them again a week later and all but 5 were left between Phil and myself. That means Phil ate 10 meatballs himself!

Here's the super simple recipe:

Ingredients:

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 package ground turkey

1 egg, beaten

1/3 cup Italian seasoned breadcrumbs

1 teaspoon black pepper

1 teaspoon of oregano, garlic powder, and Italian seasoning

Preheat oven to 350

Coat 9x13 dish with 2 tbsp. olive oil and place in oven.

In large bowl combine beaten egg, Italian seasoned breadcrumbs, turkey, and seasonings. Mix well by hand until ingredients are mixed completely together. Roll into balls and place into preheated baking dish. Push down so bottom of meatballs are flat. Bake for 15 minutes then flip meatballs. Bake for five more minutes. Makes 18 meatballs.

Voila! They're delicious. I didn't have pasta with mine, just sauce (or gravy) and they were scrumptious.

A months' time

2011-04-03T19:02:00.000-05:00

On March 3, 2011 I started working out and started a fairly strict low-carbohydrate diet. I hit the gym four-to-five times a week. I eat enough salad to keep even the oldest of ladies regular (sorry, that was gross.) I am making a conscious lifestyle change. I feel stronger. I lose my breath less quickly. I've lost 3.5 inches from my waist! And...wait for it...19 lbs!!! I am writing this to remain accountable to myself.

Growing up...growing apart

2011-04-01T19:06:00.002-05:00

I never thought I would be in a situation where a friend and I break up...until recently.
One of my longest friendship is, painstakingly, coming to a bitter end. OK, that's a bit dramatic but it really does hurt something fierce. It feels like I got dumped...which is a horrific feeling. Rejection is brutal, especially coming from someone who was the closest person in your life for a decade.
I noticed my friend was growing more and more distant over the past few weeks, months, perhaps years. I, too, am a changed person and was not consciously distancing myself but it appears I wasn't exactly moving towards a stronger, more connected friendship either. We met in the eight grade; we were kids then. We became "best friends" in the ninth grade. We purposely took the same classes in high school so we'd be in them together. We went to the same college and skipped the same classes. We bought the same brands of shoes/jeans/clothing, etc. We learned how to drive and got cars the same year. We were inseparable. We were like sisters. She met a guy. I moved to the Midwest. She visited me twice. She moved to Florida then back to Massachusetts. I never visited her in the four or so years she was in Florida. Phone calls were less and less often made. Texts started to decrease as well. We'd Facebook message each other here and there and send Christmas and birthday cards. We just...grew apart. It was obvious we weren't the same best friends we once were but I guess holding onto what we had was worth the strain to me.
Then I asked her if she was purposely pushing away and she said yes. I think bitterness, resentment, and the fact that we're totally different people who lives so far apart caused a rift. It's only been a week or so but I am at a loss. I guess you must let go sometime.
I'm sure we'll reconnect in time.

Seasons Greetings

2011-03-08T18:18:00.000-06:00

Recently I heard a friend ask "If you compared your life to a season which would you be right now?" That is an excellent question. I tucked it away and gave it little thought, until now.

I am certainly not muggy, warm, sticky, sunny, unbearable summer. Well, I am warm and sunny most days.

As much as I love fall I don't feel like I am dying like the leaves, thankfully. There are times in life when I do feel dried up, crunchy, and like I'm being trampled over like autumn leaves. Then again, those leaves are so breathtakingly beautiful and picturesque. At any rate, I'm not felling very fall-like right now.

With it being winter and all you'd think that's where I am in this season of life. Though I'm not in a "winter stage" of cold, dark, and dreary hibernation. I was there a few weeks ago for a few weeks, perhaps months. I felt so blah and sluggish.

These days I am feeling exceptionally spring-like. I am starting to feel fresh, alive, like things are blossoming and blooming before me. That God has great things in store for my near future. That I just have to walk the path He lays before me and things will be much more breezy and fresh. I am hopeful. I am eager.

Embracing Baby Carrots

2011-02-22T13:20:00.001-06:00

I am not a fan of change.

When I was fifteen I lived in a group home in Lynn, Massachusetts just across the street from Lynn Commons. (Distracting thought: why aren't there "commons" in the four states area? You know, an oval shaped area of grass, a paved sidewalk, benches, and a gazebo usually in the middle of heavily-trafficked streets?) The group home was in a huge Victorian house with four bathrooms and five bedrooms. It was a beautiful house, maybe the nicest on the street, but everyone knew the house was a group home even without it being labeled on the outside. People just knew. I wish I just knew things sometimes. I am rarely ever thankful about being blindsided, unless of course there is some type of surprise party planned - which is nearly impossible with me. Wow I am really all over the place today. Focus Kerri, focus!
Back to the lovely group home. There were five of us teenagers that lived there at the time and every one of us had a goal of sorts. I felt like everyone in the house, with the exception of myself, had real goals whereas my goals were just silly. A few examples of others' goals were to take their medications (which I wasn't on), shower daily and have better hygiene (which I always did/do), control their anger, go to school and get good grades (I was on the honor roll then), don't do drugs (didn't), stay out of trouble, etc.

I had two goals:
1. Eat. Yes, eat food. That is something I have always struggled with. Then, I never ate enough food if any. Now I eat terrible things and too much of them.
2. Embrace change. Ha! Seriously. Accept and embrace change was my goal. Other kids were doing drugs, getting in fights, hitting staff, and skipped school almost every day and I had to eat food and embrace change.

Thirteen years later those could still be considered goals of mine. 1. Eat less. 2. Embrace and accept what God has in store for me. I am praying to be stretched, to be taken out of my comfort zone, and used for His will and purpose. Here's to stepping out in faith. And snacking on baby carrots more.

Winter Wonderland

2011-02-02T08:47:00.001-06:00

It's beginning to look a lot like New England outside. Frosted window panes...oh wait, this isn't Christmas though it sure feels like it. It is one degree outside. One degree. Missouri is in a state of emergency due to road conditions that the state just doesn't deal with enough to properly clear it fast enough.
Today is Groundhog Day and as tradition goes Punxsutawney Phil emerges at sunrise and we determine winters length based on Phil seeing his shadow or not. Phil did NOT see his shadow today, therefore Spring will shortly be upon us. It's hard to imagine blooming flowers, green grass, and Spring showers with so much snow on the ground and single-digit temps. Most people are wishing Winter away while I am elated that I have a snow day; my workplace is closed! Yesterday was a pleasant surprise as I was off work and Phil's work was closed due to weather. We stayed home all day and did little of note. It was simply lovely getting to hang in together. Summer is awesome but when do you get a day off work because it's too hot outside? Rarely. I am enjoying Winter while it's here - you should too! Stay safe and warm.

First Snow Day of 2011

2011-01-10T20:57:00.000-06:00

First snow day of this winter

Posing for the camera

John hit Jake in the face with this shot

Revenge is sweet

Face shot!

John running for his life

Preparing an awesome snowball

Throwing a snowball at me. Thankfully he missed though I snapped a great shot.

They had a blast. I even let them play in the snow BEFORE doing their homework. Happy Winter everyone!

Not a good start to 2011

2011-01-09T18:38:00.000-06:00

I have been sick the whole year so far. Nine days. This is brutal.
I was praying for a healthy 2011. It's only nine days in, let's hope the remaining 356 are healthier.

blogging is becoming a thing of the past.

2010-12-18T15:02:00.002-06:00

true story.

Merry Christmas!

Let's Give Thanks

2010-11-23T10:33:00.001-06:00

For twenty days leading up to Thanksgiving I have been writing what I'm thankful for in my Facebook status. So far I've been thankful for....

Jake and John (that's two but they're a package deal)

Having a job, and a fun one at that!

An extra hour of sleep (day light savings ended)

Music. Especially live music. "Music is an outburst of the soul"

The little things in life. Like a smile from a stranger.

Coffee. Yum.

Three years of marriage!

Veterans and those that help serve and protect our American rights.

Good hair days.

Pizza. Happy National Pizza Day! (11/12)

The grace of God.

Smoke-free establishments.

Laughing so hard, you cry!

The arts. Music, painting, photography, dancing, etc.

All the people who acted as mom and dad in my life throughout my 28 years.

Selfless giving. For volunteering.

I am thankful for the boost in the economy (from the holidays.)

Covenant Harvest School and the teachers who so humbly sacrifice.

For people who can go with the flow.

Technology.

Lunch with friends.

What are you thankful for? I am thankful for you, too.

Splashing around in uncharted waters

2010-11-04T16:37:00.002-05:00

Three years of marriage is under both me and Phillip's belts! That may seem like a silly statement to make but being Phil's third wife it's his first third wedding anniversary; and that is something to boast about! The saying is definitely true that the third time is a charm. I even joked with him saying a charm necklace would make a great Christmas present. He smirked.

We left Monday night for Eureka Springs, Arkansas and just got back a few hours ago today (Thursday.) While it was off-season in E.S., AR we had a blast and caught a few neat photos with our cell phones. Enjoy.

Teeny tiny cabin and an awesome VW Beatle

Outside of a restaurant on the street (neat photo)

The gigantic Jesus statue near The Great Passion Play

See that little person in front of the bushes? That is Phil to show just how large this statue is

Feeding time a Turpentine Creek, a big cat refuge - very cool to watch this lion eat

This is Zena one of three white tigers at the refuge. Her species is nearing extinction.

The view of Table Rock Lake from Phil's boyhood home.

Our last night in E.S. we ate at a local restaurant, Sparky's, where I ordered chicken, and...

...Phil ordered chipotle sauce for his pork. It was insanely spicy even though the waitress called it mild.

And a reminder of three years ago....

Greater than self....How are you selfless?

2010-10-11T16:29:00.003-05:00

Being a parent is an obvious answer - there is another life that is reliant on you to change them, feed them, clean them, and make them your top priority. Another example is when volunteering and sacrificing your time to help those less fortunate. Or even something so small as holding the door open for someone behind me. Most importantly, following Jesus and living life as he would and putting my fleshly thoughts and ways on the back burner.

How are some ways you are selfless?

"Truly great leaders in life become so because they cause others to be greater than themselves." - Steve Farber

Inside my head

2010-09-15T14:25:00.001-05:00

Often I am thinking a million thoughts a minute.

For example right now I am thinking "Is this bite of chicken going to be too hot to eat? I'll bite it anyway. It's probably going to burn my tongue and leave a sore on the roof of my mouth like too-hot pizza does. I wonder how the conference will flow this year? I hope Gods presence is thick. I've had a word the last two Sundays I've been at church. Perhaps God wants me to speak up and get out of my slouching-in-my-seat stance? Why do I get on Facebook so often? I think it's my insatiable need to connect to others. That, and I get bored easily. Then I get bored when I'm on Facebook and I think of iced lattes. Mmm, lattes! Oh snap I need to make a phone call."

That's pretty much how my mind works all the time.

What's on your mind?

So Long Sweet Summer

2010-08-30T08:08:00.000-05:00

Do you ever stand in front of the mirror doing karate moves and making funny faces? Oh, neither do I.

This was a summer of magical summers. I wish I could sing about how awesome my summer was, like how Sandy and Danny did in Grease, because I can't really articulate in words how great it was. "I went to the pooooool a lot with the boooooooooooooys." That didn't work. I was way off pitch.

Here are the highlights of my summer...

Jonas Jachura was born! The little guy came six weeks early. Here's a photo of him with his proud grandparents:

I discovered Glee. It's a guilty pleasure that I love to love. I probably discovered it before summer actually started but I'll call it the summer anyway.

Two of my dear friends turned thirty. Bekah in early June and Patti in late July. Both were awe-inspiring parties with great friends, games, snacks, and some emotional gifts. There were other birthdays this summer (Donnie, Joy, Nicole, Amy, Phil) but those were the most notable, milestone birthdays. (my camera got ruined in the ocean therefore I have no photographic proof of Patti turning thirty.)

We went on a "vacation" to Massachusetts and New Hampshire where we ate, prayed, loved one another and swam. I quoted vacation because going back home sometimes does not feel like a vacation, rather a visit. If that makes sense. We did have a blast, don't get me wrong. Phil had fun even with his eyes closed.

Now Jake and John are back in school and I have lots of free time on my hands. No complaints here, other than needing to lose weight...and lots of it.

Disappointed in myself. D'oh!

2010-08-29T22:23:00.001-05:00

I had a word at church today and didn't give it.

What a disappointing feeling it is not having said what God showed me. Standing in front of the church can be a bit nerve wracking. Not standing in front of the church speaking His word is a worse feeling, in retrospect.

Here's the picture I had:

Everyone in the church had a light bulb over their head with a pull chain attached. Some people pulled their chain and their light came on while other lights did not come on. The persons whose light did not come on were in complete shock and were more concerned with the light bulb not working than really looking at the darkness they've been living in for some time. What God wants us to remember is that He always knows where we are living. That He can turn our light on again if we look to Him. We cannot have one foot in light and another in darkness.

My condensed testimony

2010-08-16T20:54:00.002-05:00

"Clap your hands for baby Jesus!" I would sarcastically say all too often in my late teen, early adulthood years. I would go as far as raising my hand up in the air and acting like I was reaching for the heavens. My insecurities and ignorance in all things spiritual and religious-based caused me to act ridiculously. And ridiculously I acted, for years. Jokingly, when people would annoy me or say something that made no sense I would place my hand on their forehead, push back and say "demons out." I told Scott Squires about doing this act and he said there was something very spiritually powerful about that. Perhaps demonic? The people became less annoying after pushing them but I think it was because they were more in shock than the spirit having much to do with it.

Fast forward to the fall/winter of two thousand and six. I worked at Bridges Community Care in Pittsburg, Kansas. I swear I was asked daily which church I attended and got multiple invites to attend so-and-so's church. I started lying saying I attended St. Mary's so co-workers would get off my back. Around the same time Phil and I started going to the mall deli frequently. Jim, the owner of The Mall Deli, sat us in "Kate's" section each time we visited. He must've thought we really liked her, which we did. Kate would take our order and make small talk between serving our sodas and deli burgers. One day I discovered that she went to bible college for a year prior to attending PSU. That baffled me. I later found out that her dad is a pastor! That really came as a shock to me. She invited us to church several times with many excuses on my part as to why we could not attend. In Spring she invited us to watch her church's version of the play Thirty Pieces which was held at the Memorial Auditorium. I figured it was a public place, why not. We enjoyed the play, told Kate what a great job she'd done, and then literally ran down the steps of the auditorium avoiding having to talk to anyone else from her church. Looking back at that moment, I always laugh.
Two months later, July 25. 2006, I received my first bible and started attending Covenant Harvest Church. In March 2007 I was baptized in the holy spirit.

While there has been lots of questioning of this and that on my part, life has been so much more enriching since finding God and actually walking with Him instead of against Him. I raise my hand in love and faith now. I clap for Jesus the savior, the redeemer, the graceful son.
That's the short story.

Was that a dog barking?

2010-08-15T22:16:00.004-05:00

Too much coughing in Kerri's world these days.

Sigh.

Grrrrrrrr

2010-08-05T20:07:00.002-05:00

I just wrote the quirkiest, longest blog I've ever written and it vanished. Thought I would share my grave disappointment. I'll write another blog at a later date.

From the journal of my younger self...

2010-07-15T17:32:00.000-05:00

July 6, 1999

Journal,

I worked today. It has only been four days of "work" and it's going great because the kids haven't started yet. I'm a camp counselor for the King's Lynne summer program. Chris and I went to Hampton Beach last night. It was fun, especially when we got our palms read by a psychic. She told me a bunch of information...like I'm getting married at age 26 and I'll have four children! (Four is WAY too many!) She also talked about my grades in school and was spot-on! She also mentioned a wedding and a family vacation that will happen soon. We'll see about all that.

Kerri

_______________________________________________

FAVORITES (1999)

Color: Blue

Number: 7

Food: Fettuccine Alfredo

Restaurant: Polcari's

Song: All Apologies - Nirvana

Band: Nirvana (maybe)

Clothing stores: GAP, American Eagle Outfitters

Movies: Wizard of OZ, Dirty Dancing, Clueless

TV Shows: Dawson's Creek, Punky Brewster

Sayings: "Who's your daddy?" "Do you wanna talk about it?" "Stop the violence"

Beverage: Dr. Pepper (Pepsi is a close second)

Subject: English

Collection: Pictures!

Hobbies: Art, writing, listening to music, poetry

Car: 1999 Volkswagen Jetta (red or black)

__________________________________________________

Disappointment

2010-07-02T11:30:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you just need to place your head in your hands and scream...loudly.

When you have someone so child-like, so self-loathing, and self-centered in your life this would be an all too regular occurrence for you too. Karen is a child in a fifty-something year old body that will never mature mentally or emotionally. It is nearly impossibly having a conversation that doesn't turn directly back to her. Everything is about her. An apple, somehow, relates back to her and her kitchen decor. Even though you could be talking about your delicious, ripe, shiny apple in your very hand.

Words cannot express the amount of disappointment I feel towards myself right now. Great disappointment for allowing her in my world and thinking she'd changed. Silly, silly me. For years I kept her at a healthy distance guarding my heart. I had changed. My heart had softened, I was less bitter, and I let her in. Sending photos of the family. Talking on a somewhat regular basis. An "I love you" even slipped out of my mouth at the end of several conversations. Things have changed. Or maybe they hadn't. She had almost always felt more like an estranged aunt than a mother; never a mom. Two days in my life was she a mom to me but those are very different blogs for brighter days. She let me down and then turned my hurt into her anger. It's funny how that always happens.

I wrote her this text message today: I AM DONE BEING LET DOWN BY YOU. I'M NOT A KID ANYMORE AND DON'T DESERVE THE DISAPPOINTMENT. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS FOR ONCE.

She never fails to disappoint. At least she's consistent in that. Sigh.

Blogging Halt for the summer?

2010-06-18T09:48:00.003-05:00

Where are all my blogging friends? I like sleeping in until 9am in the summer. I also like having a comment or reading a new blog once in a while.
Stay connected.

What are you up to this summer? What's new with you?

Oh Summer...

2010-05-25T11:27:00.003-05:00

I love how you are full of promises of adventure and excitement.

You remind me of childhood and what it's like to hope, dream, soak up the sun and the excitement and newness of what tomorrow holds.

Every summer day is a new adventure.

A day to read a book under a tree.

To gleefully cannonball into a pool.

To slab on the coconut-scented sunblock. Then re-apply.

To laugh, play, get a tan, share quality time with those you care about, to grill.

To enjoy freeze pops and tropical snow.

To wear flips flops and sport brightly painted toes.

I am so looking forward to you, summer. Here's to another great one.

Reasons why....

2010-05-15T20:47:00.002-05:00

Walking in the doors I can barely hear myself think with the clicking, clanking, noises of the blue world. "Where's my list?" I think to myself while simultaneously thinking "The quicker I get my goods the better."

Phil would kill me if he knew. Shhh, he'll never read this.

Hunching over her cart, a mother of three is scolding one of her sad-faced children, telling her to "shut on up, you ain't getting no cereal!" I quickly walked by the rowdy bunch and smiled an empathetic smile at the denied child.

Standing completely upright, resembling the ten and two driving position, I push my cart around the corner almost hitting several people until I get to the next aisle. That's where the most amusing couple stood near the frozen chicken nuggets squawking about how expensive the frozen rib meat (we don't care call it real chicken) would be. "I've got it" she torts. "You best have it. I don't want to be all embarrassed 'bout not having 'nough money once we got to the register."

The twenty items or less line had me waiting for what felt like days. So long was the wait that not only were the prices being rolled back throughout the store, but also the eyes of the lady behind me. She might have been more frustrated than myself with standing still for so long. She should be used to it as I'm sure she's a frequent shopper. Myself, on the other hand, had not purchased an item from the blue world in months.

Quickly, I realized I wasn't in red world any longer. There are guests in the red world and customers in blue world.

And these are just a few reasons why I loathe Wal-Mart.

Visits Home

2010-05-10T18:27:00.000-05:00

The more I change, the more they stay the same.
Each visit home is a realization that I am not the person who left Massachusetts six years ago.
Anyone who looks at my comments on MySpace circa 2004-2005 knows that I was a crude, dirty-talking, foul mouthed, Jesus-bashing, rude, miserable "Masshole." Sorry I had to go there. I had little more than just my self to live for and it was evident. When you put yourself second to Jesus, life really takes a turn for the better.

Just last week I shared a story with my home group from my recent trip back east. While home, a conversation took place between my brother Jeff and myself. He started it. We talked of religions and how different each really is. He then said "You know which one I really can't stand?" Which? "Those born-again's!" I let him tell me how awful born-again Christians are, how they shove bibles in peoples faces, how your life before being born-again is total washed away and how your previous life and actions no longer exist. It was hard not to get angry or laugh in his face. Nonchalantly, I told him that I was "born again" three years ago in March of 2007. He got silent. I explained that while it may appear my life before is no longer it's my sins that were washed away by the blood of Jesus. That I have never shoved a bible in any persons face, nor would I. That I choose to live my life like Christ lived his life. He got quiet again. The conversation shifted to another subject shortly after. He noticed a change in me. The next day, while driving, he mentioned how he doesn't have a foundation in his life/family. That he's created his own foundation in his family. I said "Sadly, most people build their own foundation."

Just living for Him and like Him shows how different a person is. Visits home are a reminder of the old me while being more grateful for the reinvented, Christ-loving new me.

A new life

2010-04-21T14:04:00.003-05:00

My brother Jeff and his wife Nicole had a baby girl yesterday!

Madelyne Beverly Clay 8lb 13oz, 21 1/4" long. Born 4/20/10 at 8:22 a.m.
Beverly is my late grandmothers first name. Maddy's a chubby-cheeked little girl!
Jeff and Nicole tried several times determining the babies sex but she was stubborn and they never knew until yesterday.

Maddy and mommy

Madelyne and big sister Samantha

The (growing) Clay family

Wedding and Easter April 2010

2010-04-16T14:18:00.000-05:00

(Jonathan and) Kate; no longer the newest newlywed couple but still very much newlyweds

Ugo & Amy's first dance as husband and wife

Ellen (E-Trav) and Amy P. partying it up

The Brooks on Easter Sunday. The kids did not cooperate well therefore this is the best photo

of the two dozen snapped. Still a cute bunch.

The Butler bunch

Saved...again

2010-04-03T17:45:00.002-05:00

I am certain I was saved again last night at prayer.

It was amazing.

New addition to the garage

2010-03-24T17:56:00.001-05:00

I got a new bike. Oh the places I can go! Wind blowing through my hair, the feel of the pavement below me, going left then right then left again. Very exciting.
Now I'll just need a new pair of sneakers like Patti suggests ( Patti's sneaker blog )

Overwhelming joy

2010-03-12T18:00:00.000-06:00

Friends you are AMAZING.
I received, quite possibly, the best birthday present ever: a scrapbook with letters from my closest friends letting me know how loved I am. Tears dripped down my soggy cheeks letter by letter. Words really cannot express how blessed I am. How blessed I feel.

Thank you a million thank you's. This is just what I was needing.

Everyone but me

2010-02-26T21:26:00.003-06:00

I have been sad. Extremely sad. Since Sunday February 14, 2010 I have been in a state of off-and-on sadness. I could not for the life of me figure out what my deal was. I'd put on a chipper face at work and charm a smile for many a customer but as soon as I got home all I wanted to do was sleep, eat, or sulk. Pathetic to the highest degree, I was. February fourteenth started out well enough aside from being particularly emotional. I recall having a conversation in the sanctuary that day with Gabe Squires. We talked and talked well passed the lights being shut off on us. The conversation was weighty and revolved mostly around having children. I brushed off the conversation in my mind, or so I thought I did, and went on with the day.
Last night was especially hard on me. I couldn't make up my mind over which couch to sit on, whether I wanted my sweatshirt off or on; basically I was indecisive and difficult to be around. Poor Phil just kept his calm and continued writing an email to his boss as I whined from the love seat. Nothing on tv appealed to me. Sitting there was driving me nuts. Every little thing bothered me. I wanted Phil to ask me what was wrong. I sat there and wept, hard. Before I could mutter a word Phil said something along the lines "I know it's hard for you." I believe I fell more in love with him at that moment. He knew what was wrong. He knew and I didn't even know. "I can't describe how I'm feeling, I am just so sad" I replied. "Everyone is pregnant, I get it" he loving, empathetically comforted me. I cried so hard for a good thirty minutes and let it all out. Not being able to have kids of my own finally hit me all at once. He hugged me. He told me how much he adores me. He made me feel amazing. I had no idea how much it could hurt. He did. He knew the time would come that reality would hit and I would feel helpless, like a failure of a woman, so empty inside. He didn't have to ask.
He made me feel like a complete woman for the first time in a long time.

The Great Cookie Debate; get a clue.

2010-02-19T15:22:00.000-06:00

"Where are the girl scouts? More importantly, where are the cookies?"

Little did I know a simple Facebook status would turn into a thirty-comment discussion leaning towards our church being a discriminatory one. I think people just want to argue. Especially the liberal, close-minded, self-centered, left winged crazies who are full of hatred and darkness. It makes me angry to think I was once so ignorant.

Phil and I discussed how much we've changed over the past few years. How apathetic I once was. How I would be so agreeable with everyone to avoid any type of confrontation. How Phil was much less in-your-face about his passions, about his passionate dislike for Wal-mart, about how much he's grown. How much we've both grown. The only reason we're more confident in our selves is because our self is not the center of our lives. God is. Loving another more than yourself really changes things. Loving Jesus more than yourself changes everything.

Someone with no clue saying our church discriminates makes me enraged. It makes me want to shove a cookie down such a persons throat. BUT because I have love in my heart I actually feel sorry for the people living in such darkness. Get a clue. See the light. See that there is more to life than yourself.

Still, I'd love some Thin Mints.

Connection Lost

2010-02-05T09:04:00.002-06:00

I am missing friends a lot these days. So much so that I'm starting to complain, blame them, and become...bitter. None of which I want to do or feel. I should reach out to my friends and let them know how I am feeling, that I am missing them instead of sulking like a child.

I need to reconnect with so many people. Living in Joplin is lovely but I am starting to feel the strain a bit. Finding the middle ground between family and friends is a balancing act that I must figure out.

God help me to not be resentful or remain bitter about my own foolish thoughts. Help me take initiative and reach out to others instead of trying to let them figure out how I am feeling. People are not mind-readers. Also, please make this snow stop. Help those traveling reach their businesses, homes, or destinations safely. Amen.

Get Me Right - Dashboard Confessional

2010-02-03T10:18:00.002-06:00

I made my slow way home
Limping on broken bones
Out of the thickest pine
Across the county lines
On to your wooden stairs
I know you can repair
I know you've seen the light
I know you'll get me right

Right
Right
Right

I own a sinners heart
I know the rain falls hard
I know the currency
I know the things you'll need
I hope he hears my prayers
I see you cut your hair
I know the saving type
I know you'll get me right

Right
Right
Right

But, Jesus I've fallen
I don't mind the rain if
I meet my maker
I'll meet my maker clean

But, Jesus the truth is
I've struggled so hard to believe
I'll meet my maker
I'll need my maker

To cure of my doubting blood
And drain me of the sins I love
And take from me my disbelief
I know it should come easily
But it remains inside of me
It battles and devours me
It cuddles up the side of me
And whispers it convinces me I'm

Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right

I love....

2010-01-28T16:55:00.000-06:00

and...

My (new) car.

I love many other things but at this very moment these two are first, after Jesus of course.

Positive, Encouraging...KLOVE

2010-01-25T14:00:00.002-06:00

Something has changed on the inside of me.

I've put aside my indie rock and roll CD's for Christian radio. 90.7 KLOVE is programmed as my number one station. I have John, the boy who once shouted "why are we listening to church music, it's not Sunday", now singing "Kwoooooove." (He's working on his "L's" still.)

As a little reminder to myself of how far I've come I will re-post the photo of the "Jesus bird" (from 5/15/08) that would not let me go home the day I tried leaving church due to moodiness and sin.

Life is good.

Standing still (a bit of a ramble)

2010-01-23T14:32:00.000-06:00

Life is pretty awesome these days.
I have a great family, awesome friends, an adorable apartment, my dream car, and a fun job.
When life goes so well I tend to focus on the things that need improvement. I should soak up all the goodness and enjoy how great things are but I tend to focus on the less great areas that need attention. School, for instance, ties-in many aspects of my 'dark' areas of life. I am considering taking photography classes at MSSU. Either that or going in the total opposite direction and taking social work classes (just that'd be a stretch, as much as I'd love it.) I don't know just how passionate I am about photography. Wait, that's false. I adore taking photos. I don't love editing photos. Plus, with so many photographers around it's hard to compete - especially when I'm not a confident, skilled photographer. That's why classes would help.
I feel I am at such a stand-still right now. Like I have to make a decision about my future and not just go with the flow, even though it's a nice life flow. I want more. I want to be more. Target is a fine job but making lattes is not a career. It feels like a transitional job. Just yesterday my ninety-day review was written and it mentioned me moving up in the company. The excitement in knowing another has that much faith in my performance is rewarding. I just feel I've taken ten steps back in where I am currently working.

Can you say Ramble McRamble Queen? I sure do know how to ramble on and on. What I'm trying to say is I think it's time to look to the future and figure out where I want to go. I'll continue to ask God where he wants to take me. Until then, maybe you could say a little prayer for me.

Second attempt

2010-01-19T14:23:00.001-06:00

For accountability purposes I am publicly stating that I am starting P90x (lean version) again today. I started last week and somehow took three days off so I am re-starting the intense program today. Please do ask me how it is going. I will try to touch base on how the workouts are and if they prove to be effective.

A special shout out/thanks to Ugo for the daily accountability text message!

Here's to a leaner me in 90 days!

Intention of 2010

2010-01-09T15:06:00.001-06:00

My goal for 2010 is to send hand-written notes/letters to friends and family who live far away. There's nothing like receiving mail, especially from a dear friend. As mentioned in a previous blog, receiving mail is one of life's simple pleasures.

I'm off to a good start with two stamped and ready-to-be-mailed note cards.

A look back at 2009 through my planner

2010-01-04T11:15:00.000-06:00

For some reason even-numbered years appeal to me more than the odd years. 2010 will be a good year. I'll make it good by focusing on God first then everything else that distracts me. Happy New Year to all!

Back in March I wrote something in my 2009 planner about March's. I guess I should jot it down before I toss the old planner. Then I will recall all the cool little things I wrote in my planner throughout the year. My memory is not as sharp as it once was and this is like a little timeless vault of memories for me to go back to.

March's

March 2004 - Blacked out from drinking too much alcohol. Went to the ER the next day and was hooked up to IV's for 2 hours.

March 2005 - Phil and I broke up due to jealousy and sinful ways. Moved back to Massachusetts.

March 2007 - I was baptised in the holy spirit. Best March of my life.

March 2009 - Was part of God's work in the wedding of a pastor's oldest daughter.

These may seem like silly little lines about March's over the years but it's part of my testimony. To see God shape my life so drastically over just six years is quite awesome. I am blessed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of 2008 and 2009 in review, according to my 16-month planner....

9/7/08 - Pop Dan spoke of his freedom from leukemia. God is a healer. Alter call to get filled with the holy spirit. This was a personal move closer to God for me.

9/3/08 - Started Zumba classes. Took a total of 4 classes.

9/21/08 - Tennyson - Words of encouragement move you forward. It's like a breath of fresh air in a smoke-filled room. (Hebrews 3:13) Ways to find encouragement: Scripture, Prayer time, Faith in God, and Through songs/music. "Work hard. Do a good job. Be a blessing." - Chris Sterrett said this to his kids every morning.

9/24/08 - "Home group 7pm - ROCKED!"

9/28/09 - Patti's housewarming party 6:30-8:30pm

10/9/08 - Started meeting with Obi for his school research project about families.

10/19/08 - Joe Noga: "To be salt we must touch the world, to be light we must reinforce the church."

10/22/08 - Notes from home group: "We don't have the excuse of ignorance. Everything - and I do mean EVERYTHING - connected with that old way of life has to go." - Scott Parish

Ask yourself "Is what I'm doing pleasing to God?"

11/3/08 - One year wedding anniversary.

11 & 12/08 - Poel practice! Practice! Practice!

12/27/08 - Jay Lotterer preached: "The condition of your life changes whether you're ready (for it to) or not." Micah and Sarah are back until the 23rd!

1/22-1/23/09 - BOSTON!

2/5/09 - Worst brain "ache" of my life 10:15pm

2/12-2/14/09 - Marriage conference in Branson.

2/22/09 - Scott Squires notes: If we're not aware of God and living for Him, we're not living. Always love God; God never meant for us to live compartmentalized lives. You'll drive yourself crazy if you try living for God AND in the your old ways.

3/14/09 - Kreighbaum/Jachura wedding

4/6-4/20/09 - Flu, strep throat, bronchitis, sinus infection, viral infection.

4/19/09 - Notes from Doug preaching: Six Common Causes of Disobedience to God's design -

1. Not walking with Jesus through the scripture

2. Foolishness/Pride - the sin of Satan

3. Unbridled selfishness

4. Failure to see things/judge ourselves in Christ

5. Failure to overcome relational sins

6. Lack of Godly Fear (Eph. 4:25 & Eph. 5:21)

4/21/09 - Gave my notice at Mt. Carmel after almost being forced to quit.

5/6/09 - Corporate prayer. Prayed for the seniors. Gave a word to Kelsea about being light everywhere she goes.

5/8/09 - Day day working for Mt. Carmel

5/21-5/28/09 - BOSTON! Extended my trip since I wasn't working.

5/29/09 - Relay For Life event. My last year on the committee.

6/1-6/5/09 - Vacation Bible School. "Camp counselor Kerri"

6/11-6/16/09 - Jake and John went to Disney World with their grandparents

6/20/09 - First of three Worship in the Park's

6/22/09 - The Fire Work stand in Saginaw, MO opens! Let the moldy fun begin.

7/18/09 - Car Care

8/1/09 - Saw Wicked in Tulsa, OK for Patti's birthday. Great time!

8/23/09 - Scott Parish church notes:

The three V's of Forgiveness:

1. Victim

2. Vigilante

3. Victor

8/30/09 - Moved to Joplin, Missouri with the help of many friends. (Thanks again!)

9/6/09 - Scott Squires notes from church: "Blur the lines. There's no black and white in society - only in the Bible. It's a book of light and dark that are continually in opposition of one another." Be zealous NOT apathetic. We were made for this; to display the kingdom. Repentance is the doorway to every revival. The beginning of the end of every battle is an awakening.

9/13/09 - CHS Fundraiser meetings start at the Angeles'.

9/23-9/25/09 - Fall conference

10/17/09 - Kreighbaum/Sperry wedding. Micah was back to take photos!

10/30/09 - CHS Fall Festival. David Gray and Doug got slimmed!

11/8/09 - Doug's notes...

World view 2 questions: 1. What's the problem? 2. What can be done/solution?

World view answers: "isms" Capitalism, socialism, communism, secular humanism, fascism and globalism

11/3/09 - Second wedding anniversary!

12/6/09 - Doug's notes... Mother Theresa said "The worst disease in today's world is not leprosy or cancer: it is the feeling of being uncared for, unwanted, of being deserted and alone."

Hindrances to building the House of God:

1. Some don't want it.

2. Some say they want it but aren't willing to pay the price.

3. Some say they want it but feel no one else does and lose heart.

4. Some find it hard and give up.

5. Some find life too busy.

6. Some think it'll happen magically.

"If a man wants friends he must show himself friendly" - Proverbs 18:24

12/20/09 - Doug's notes... When it comes to evangelism our fears and past experiences work against us. Light shall shine out of darkness. Light exposes darkness. Jesus shines in our hearts. Testifying: it's hard to make a case without witnesses. We're called to testify. It's hard to object to what you've seen with your own eyes.

A White Christmas

2009-12-27T09:24:00.000-06:00

This Christmas was white, fluffy, fabulously entertaining, and humbling.

. . .

2009-12-24T16:01:00.000-06:00

Merry CHRISTmas everyone!

Guilty pleasures

2009-12-18T13:33:00.001-06:00

Less than ten minutes after waking this morning I was in Target picking up my paycheck. I signed for and received my check and headed over to Starbucks to say hi to a co-worker. I apologized for still sounding half asleep and for my appearance, to which she replied "I woke up at 7:10 and had to be here at 7:30. I basically just threw on these clothes and grabbed a piece of gum since I didn't have time to brush my teeth."

Eww.

In the eight minutes I'd been awake I made time to brush my teeth, if nothing else. Brushing your teeth, especially before work/school/leaving the house, is something you should never skip. She's not the first person I've met, who works with food, that skips a daily brushing. Yikes.

My brain works in funny ways. Some how the lack of there teeth brushing makes me think of guilty pleasures. Don't ask me how my mind took me there. I am in no way ashamed of brushing my teeth and would never consider a piece of gum a replacement, just thought I'd throw that out there. BUT I do drink instant coffee on occasion. This IS a guilty pleasure of mine. I mean, come on, how could I not feel guilty about this time-saving delight when I work at Starbucks of all places? I am drinking some instant Folgers right now. (Shhh, don't tell Joe Noga the coffee guy.)

What are some of your guilty pleasures?

And remember to brush at least once a day. At the very least.

Ugly Sweater Party

2009-12-18T13:26:00.000-06:00

Nicole at 8 weeks showing off her little bump.

The ladies

Patti and I all cozied up.

Thanks for friends and the like

2009-12-02T14:22:00.001-06:00

The look and feel of Christmas from a retail perspective

2009-11-18T10:59:00.000-06:00

There's something about working in retail during the holidays that gives you an extra boost of holiday 'spirit'. Maybe it's the constant reminder with the toy purchases, all of the baking supplies that whiz by my scanner, or the fancy seasonal drinks like the Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks. Consumerism at it's finest reminds me most of Christmas these days. Sure the dangling snowflakes and the Merry Christmas signs are a nice reminder of Christmas but it's the shopping, spending, and holiday buzz that really stick out to me. Joy's poem from Poel is suddenly coming back to me. Greedy, rushed shoppers with their eye on the prize: materialistic idols.

Yesterday a grandmother and her extremely crabby little grandson came through my line. He kept grabbing things out of her hands and throwing a serious fit when he wouldn't get his way. All his grandma kept saying to him was "Santa is watching you!" I couldn't help but laugh and recall how many times I, in my secular childhood, was told that very same thing. Santa, pssh. And to use santa as a form of punishment? Craziness. We should be acknowledging that God is watching our every move and not just when we're misbehaving.

Christmas isn't all bad from a retail perspective. You see glimpses of true believers scattered throughout the store. The ones who buy cards mentioning Christ. The few who will say "have a blessed day" which always puts a smile on my face. The children who truly appreciate their parents and thank them for the purchase they just made, being it so close to Christmas. The eleven or so year old boy who went through my line and just started chatting me up about his older brother that he is so proud of for being in the service. How he is going to make him a Christmas card this year and send him candy for Christmas. There are still believers out there. Still people who see Christmas as more than a day of receiving gifts but a day of celebrating Jesus, family, and friends.

Oh, Happy Thanksgiving!

John, Denise's exercise ball and laughter

2009-11-16T13:53:00.000-06:00

Last Sunday, before Jake became insanely ill, John and I were having a little fun at the Kreighbaum's with Denise's exercise ball. I don't know who had more fun between the two of us but a good time was had by all.

The Life

2009-11-14T19:52:00.001-06:00

It's 7:52pm Saturday evening. I'm watching Cops and barely holding my eyes open.

True story.

Employed.

2009-11-10T22:21:00.000-06:00

I'm employed for the first time in six months! I worked four hours and ten minutes tonight and it felt so good to have that change of pace, to actually work. Watching the "orientation videos" were a bit boring, and certain moments were extremely comical, but I smiled the whole thing through. I alternate between Starbucks and cashier every-other-shift, which again will be a nice change of pace. Avoiding the mundane is what I'm all about (ask Phil about that.)

I feel such a huge sense of worth again. I've felt like a worthy woman all my life but being unemployed and not contributing financially to my family made me feel terrible.

Hooray for employment!

A devotional worthy of sharing

2009-11-09T08:19:00.000-06:00

It's Okay to Ask for Directions

Your life does not come with an instruction manual or a road map; however, your life with Christ does. All the dead-end streets that confuse and sidetrack so many in life are clearly indicated on God's road map, His word. More important, He charts out the highway to purity and destiny. Rebels who diligently study the map rarely get lost.

But God has given you even more than a map; He's give you a GPS! Before Jesus left planet Earth, He said He would send you His Spirit to remind you of His words and keep you oriented in your journey. He knew that you would regularly need His direction, but sometimes forget to pick up the map. So the Spirit becomes an internal positioning system to point the way to purity and warn you of obstructions.

I'm asking for Your directions this day, God. I trust Your wisdom to chart my course and lead me into a pure and unhindered destiny.

F Y I

2009-11-04T08:54:00.000-06:00

I love my church family. I don't even like the term "church family." You're just an extension of my natural family. Actually I feel closer to more of you than most my biological family.

At any rate, what I'm trying to say is I love you all.

I thank God we're in each others' lives.

Halloween!

2009-10-30T13:16:00.001-05:00

It's Halloween eve! I'm psyched. I really love this holiday.

Fill Me Up Lord

2009-10-26T13:02:00.000-05:00

This is more a rambling note-to-self blog.

I'm running on fumes, out of gas, here. I NEED A JOB.

I applied for 10 jobs within the last 24 hours. Here's to getting ONE!

I had a self-pity moment yesterday for like .5 seconds then I got a phone call. I pulled myself together, got what I forgot, then turned on 90.7 FM. The man singing sang EVERYTHING I was feeling at that moment. I ugly cried for the first half of the song, realized that God was speaking to me through this song, really listened to the words and by the time the song ended I was laughing at myself. Thankfully it was raining so no one could really see me in my car driving along with snot all over my face. That was one of those "awe moments" that you can try to retell but words can't paint the accurate picture of how amazing the moment was.

God, I need to remain strong and look to you even when things seem like they cannot get any worse. You are faithful and I must remain the same way. Thank you for your sense of humor, the way you come to me when I need you most but may not seek you or realize how much I need to look towards you, thank you for your unconditional love Father. Amen

Six-Word Story

2009-10-19T16:54:00.000-05:00

Post your own profound story using ONLY six words.

I have 4....

Through mom's many mistakes, I learned.
Through a deli burger, found Jesus.
Lost my mind, found my keys.
Laugh at funerals, cry at weddings.

Singing through tears

2009-10-19T16:33:00.000-05:00

Sometimes a song will play that hits the "I'm going to cry uncontrollably for the next few minutes" button.

That song for me is Fake Plastic Trees [Acoustic Version] by Radiohead. It gets me nearly every time.

Fake Plastic Trees

Her green plastic watering can
For her fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself.
It wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out.

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins.
And it wears him out, it wears him out.
It wears him out, it wears . . .

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love.
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run.
And it wears me out, it wears me out.
It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time.
Oh, oh.

What songs triggers your Tear Jerker Button?

Please, Notice Me (as Chris Carraba sings)

2009-10-19T09:35:00.000-05:00

I read this in Seth Godin's blog and had to recycle it.

"Notice Me"

If the new web has a mantra, that's it.
So much time and effort is now put into finding followers, accumulating comments and generating controversy... all so that people will notice you. People say and do things that don't benefit them, just because they're hooked on attention.
Attention is fine, as long as you have a goal that is reached in exchange for all this effort.

Far better than being noticed:

Trusted
Engaged with
Purchased from
Discussed
Echoed
Teaching us
Leading

Falling down laughing

2009-09-22T16:22:00.000-05:00

Fall is here! Fall is here! I repeat, fall is here!

Things I love about this season....

- Leaves changing from green to lucious reds, oranges, and yellows
- Sweaters & hoodies make a comeback. I am more confident in long sleeves.
- Fresh, crisp, cooler air.
- Football (Go Patriots!)
- Better hair days. Frizz-be-gone.
- I sleep better and tend to go to bed earlier since it gets dark earlier.
- Apple picking, apple cider, apple pie.
- Jumping in leaf piles. (Makes for excellent photos)
- Bon fires and s'mores
- Pumpkin patches and hay rides
- Pumpkin carving
- Halloween! (I love halloween)

Why the heck don't we know our neighbors?

2009-09-15T14:00:00.001-05:00

I met Lois today, my next door neighbor. Our garages touch. I've lived here three weeks and two days and just met Lois. I was outside photgraphing my duplex when my neighbors' door opens. I had a feeling she wanted to introduce herself sooner but there wasn't an opportune time. Barefoot, I walked up the driveway and said "Hi, how are you?" She never stepped out of her doorway but was pleasant the whole time we spoke. We shared names, talked about how the street was so quiet and nice, talked about where we'd previously lived and all that jazz. She then told me she comes and goes at random times and doesn't want to hit one of my boys when she pulls out of her garage. That was nice of her. I am not sure she's annoyed by them riding down her side of the driveway or if she is genuinely concerned for their saftey. Either way we met, conversed, and had our neighborly moment. Not sure how much we'll have to talk about in the future as she's 73 and I'm young enough to be her grandchild. I did tell her neighbors just don't talk as much anymore and she went on telling me how busy people are these days and ran through a typical day of hers. She is a busy woman. I hope to talk to her again sooner than later.

List 5 things you would do if you had 5 other lives to lead.

2009-09-15T13:37:00.000-05:00

1. I would be a chef - even if it were just for friends and family.

2. I would get a PhD in English and passionately teach.

3. I would be a personal trainer who still ate Little Debbies snacks.

4. I would model and be best friends with Cindy Crawford's gorgeous hypathetical daughter. I'd be the prettier of the two, of course.

5. I would become a female Marc Driscoll.

I guess it's not too late to achieve some of these goals in this lifetime. Makes me sad to think I didn't start sooner. Makes me even more sad that knowing my personality I won't ever start.

9/11/09: How are you making today a good day?

2009-09-11T11:16:00.000-05:00

Me?....

I'm appreciating life and the things that make it good; the faithfulness of God, my nieces big blue eyes, my awesome stepsons, friends that tell you the truth even when it hurts, "Run" by Snow Patrol, people who've helped mold me, art, my husbands quirkiness, Dunkin Donuts coffee, the smell of fresh cut grass, Jesus' great sacrifice, Pop Dan's gravy, quoting movies, The Office, little people that say the silliest things, church, independence, my country, and people who grate my nerves - because they help me with patience, understanding, and to appreciate those who do not grate my nerves so much more. Life.

Baptismal Photos

2009-09-08T14:52:00.000-05:00

Masskansourian

2009-09-02T22:28:00.000-05:00

345 S. Northpark Lane is where the Butlers now reside. (South Northpark always makes me chuckle.)

The first few nights here have been better than expected, to my surprise. I thought I would be lonely and sad but instead I've distracted myself with some unpacking and laundry. It's nice that Phil works a minute, yes literally a minute, away from home. He's come home for lunch twice and leaves the house much later for work.

Speaking of laundry...we are proud owners of a Kenmore washer & dryer duo! (An exclamation point IS needed on this.) I have been enslaved to coin-operated laundry for far too long. And those of you reading this know me to let laundry pile up until I am swimming in it. Only then do I go to the laundry mat or ask Bekah if I can bring a load, or five, over. (She always says yes - thanks Bekah!) Phil somehow managed to unload the washer and dryer by himself. The box said it was at least a two-person job but he's not much for reading boxes. This may seem like no big deal but those clunkers are HEAVY. I was beyond impressed. Installing the dryer himself was another story. It's truly amazing what duct tape can fix!

Speaking of Bekah...her kids are too stinking cute! I love them to pieces and was psyched to get to spend quality time with them and Patti this evening. Home group didn't take place tonight due to a meeting of the HG leaders, assistants, and other important people (I know, we're all important people.) Patti, the kids, and I went to the Mall Deli where Audrey out ate all of us. No joke. That adorable chubkins can EAT! I can't wait until she's in Preschool with Patti and she's quoted in a blog; that will be hysterical.

God is incredible. I must say His grace is overwhelming in the best possible sense of the word overwhelming.

Plugged in and ready to fall

2009-08-25T14:23:00.000-05:00

"I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you....plugged in and ready to fall" - harsh song lyrics I am listening to right now.

I've had those days all too regularly over the last month or two. I'm in a dark place.

Things bothering me:

Moving
Lack of communication
Marriage's ups and DOWNS
Self-centeredness
Looking back instead of forward

I don't want to move. I don't want to talk about it anymore...

When I have no words...there are always photos

2009-06-05T22:10:00.001-05:00

Stealing a smootch from Samantha, my adorable niece.

American Chop Suey. Looks very gross but tasted awesome. Trust me.

Doug's book. Very good stuff in here.

M.I.A Kerri?

2009-05-28T20:05:00.001-05:00

I am out of my own loop. I'll get back on track soon enough.

Boston was a BLAST. I miss my niece already but it's so very good to be home with Philly.

Rewind in time

2009-04-24T12:42:00.000-05:00

You must be sick of looking at the poop by now. Since I can't think of anything to say, even though LOTS is going on, I will just post some photos from my childhood to make you both laugh and wonder how I was ever that thin.

Disturbingly Humorous

2009-04-09T15:34:00.000-05:00

Earth Hour

2009-03-28T18:54:00.001-05:00

At 8:30pm I am shutting off my lights for one hour. You should too in honor of Earth Hour. It's going on all over the world at 8:30pm their (whomever's) time.

Did/would you do it?

Short.

2009-03-23T13:23:00.000-05:00

It's dark outside.

I have a piece of rice stuck in my throat.

True story.

Depression Hurts...

2009-03-12T13:46:00.000-05:00

But it doesn't have to. Abilify can help.

Last night was Nicole's "send-off" party.

You know what, nevermind, I don't want to talk about it.

Foil Balling

2009-03-12T08:01:00.000-05:00

Scott finally posted a blog on the foil ball blog!
This had to be announced because 1. It's a great blog post and 2. It's been FOREVER.

Help I need somebody! Not just anybody!

2009-03-06T19:49:00.000-06:00

Jake turned eight on February 27th. The boy is EIGHT! He's missing four front teeth and it's simply adorable. The eight-year-old Jake received $25 from his great-grandmother as a birthday gift. It must've been his first time receiving money as a gift because he held that money in his hand and stared at it the whole ride home from Oklahoma last Saturday.
He must've been thinking really hard of what he could get with it.
"Do I have enough money for Wii music?" he asked. He did not.
"Maybe I can go to Walmart and pick something out" he stated.
Later that night, we went as a family to Game Stop where Jake got Wii Music as a birthday present from Phil and I. He used $10 on a Wii driving wheel controller. Not a bad choice I thought. John wasn't feeling well so he and I headed to Walgreens to pick up some medicine while Jake and Phil went to Hastings to see what Jake could get with his remaing birthday bucks.

I was elated with his second purchase. This just proves what kind of musical, and overall, influence we have on the boy. He purchased...wait for it....

The Beatles Help! cd. I was impressed. At eight years old I was too concerned with Barbies to worry about the Beatles. It was a proud moment to say the least.

Stop that song!

2009-02-27T07:45:00.000-06:00

Every now and then a HORRIFIC, yet catchy, song will get stuck in my head for weeks. Not just a few hours or a day but weeks. Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne is a good example.

She's like so whatever
You could do so much better
I think we should get together now
And that's what everyone's talking about!

[Chorus]Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend! No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your girlfriend

This morning I have that new Taylor Swift song in my head. These songs need to stop. Even when I have a good song in my head I end up singing only one line to the point I am sick of it. It's a sickness.

What are you listening to these days? What song often gets stuck in your noggin?

Quarter-life Liberation

2009-01-11T21:41:00.001-06:00

WARNING: This is heavy. But please do comment.

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The new year is here and I have gone through a quarter-life liberation, if you will. No crisis here. Though, it was extremely difficult before the weights could be lifted.

You know how people want to make things right before they die, when they're in a 12-step program, or after a lift-threatening happening? I am not dying nor am I in alcoholics annonymous but I did have an "incident" or a series of incidents that brought me to what I recently did.

Some people write emails and click SEND while others drop a letter in the mail asking for forgiveness, forgiving people, or just thanking someone for the impact they've had on your life. Since a face-to-face encounter would entail a 1,500+ mile drive, I dove head first into the dreaded, then heart-breaking conversations. Voices from my past and mine trembled like babies starting to walk.

The first call lasted just five minutes but it was an eleven year and five minute converation I never wanted to have. That was supposed to be the conversation where I forgave...yet I was the one doing all of the apologizing. It was bizarre, too-few tears were shed, and one too many an awkward silence took place. I revealed things I wish never happened. Things I had little-to-no control over yet I continued to apologize to the confused voice on the other end. I wasn't apologizing for what took place all those years ago but for the ugly truth that I was confessing. She had no control over the situation nor did she have a clue. All she kept saying was "I wish you'd told me years ago. I never would have married him." That was the hardest call I ever had to make but I have no regrets. Two days later she told me they're divorcing. He confessed.

Having zero sense of rhyme or reason I made call number two just minutes after hanging up from my old foster mom (call number one.) This conversation ripped my heart out of my chest, stomped on it a few times and then threw it back into my body. This was the you-changed-my-life call that turned into something completely different. While I repeatedly told Patti she is the woman that shaped me into the person I am today she continuously thanked me and said our relationship never be the same as it once was. She's the best mom I ever had, ever will. Saying "I love you" and hearing "That's nice" back will do something to you no foster dad can ever do.

She gave me advice at the end of the conversation which let me know she loves me in her own way. I have to let go of the fairy-tale-like past and accept our relationship for what it now is; distant.

Company came over in the middle of call number two. Thank God for friends who will sit in your living room for twenty minutes not knowing where you are. And thank God for moments when you can come downstairs,all red-faced and puffy, and receive a hug, they pray with you, and share hot cocoa in your kitchen like nothing ever happened YET like they know EVERYTHING that happened without having to say a word.

If Pop Dan never spoke about his relative passing away and not forgiving those and asking for forgiveness before you die....

If I hadn't watched the most heart-wrenching movie about a 28-year-old man that was killed when his life seemed to have just began and ended too soon....

If I hadn't been diagnosed with a brain aneurysm and realizing how precious my life is....

If I'd never found Jesus and continue to become saved day after day....

I wouldn't have made those calls. I wouldn't be writing this blog. I wouldn't move closer to the person God wants be me to be. I am so blessed and a burden has been lifted forever because He died for our sins.

It's Christmastime in the ...country!

2008-12-20T08:35:00.000-06:00

I sure do enjoy Christmas. I started shopping November 1st and, while I say I'm done, I need to pick up a few last-minute items. I wrapped the lot of the gifts last night which now makes the tree seem complete. Though it's not about gifts, garland, glitter or gold...I do love Christmas. [I had to squeeze that line in there since it didn't make it into my Poel poem.] Speaking of The First Poel Remasterd; it was a hit! Everyone I invited loved it that I know of and wants to know when the next performance will be. I told them something might be taking place around Easter. I even got a "Man, if I'd come Friday night I definitely would have told a lot of people to go Saturday night because it was that good." I guess it wasn't what people were expecting but I'm psyched it was a hit.

Christmas is in FIVE days. Christmas Eve, when we tend to celebrate it, is in FOUR days. I convinced Glenda to do stockings this year since on Christmas morning no one has anything to open but the boys "Santa" gifts. I love stockings. I mean, I REALLY do love them. I'm still that little kid trapped in this grown body who gets a little sick to my stomach the night before Christmas because I get anxious and excited, and just love waking up Christmas morning so much.

Oh, and for this year and years to come, I DO NOT say "Happy Holidays" (unless the person clearly appears Jewish) I say MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Merry Christmas to you!
KLB

Coming Up on One Year

2008-10-17T18:36:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe Phil and I have been married two weeks shy of a year. This time last year I was busy, busy, busy with all things wedding-related. I'll post a few photos to relive November 3, 2007.

Fathers & Sons

2008-10-11T20:08:00.000-05:00

My Fall Conference Notes

2008-09-27T14:54:00.000-05:00

The fall conference was truly amazing.

Wednesday 9/10/08 - Doug Kreighbaum

You wouldn't pair yourself with the people God pairs you with.

Eph 3:8-11 - God's grace
John 3:30 - He must increase and I must decrease
Luke 1:35-39 - Your destiny bears witness

Christian's sharpen each others graces and motivate one another "Iron sharpens iron"

Work consistantly to keep anything out of the way that will separate you from God

God is trying to maintain the integrity of the spirit - 44% is about how to get along, while 2-3% is about how to move in the gifts of the spirit

You will not survive on your own. God did not design us to be alone.
God joins husband and wives. Don't let "stuff" get between you.

Thursday 9/11/08 - Doug Kreighbaum

God's house isn't dead because God isn't dead.

Mark 12:28-31 - Love God, love each other

We're trying to get back to what is timeless

We're not looking for something, we're looking for someone (Him)

"I encourage you to read the letters of Revelation & The Gospel of John" - Doug

Unity = Father, Spirit, Son (ONE)

Jesus NEVER sent people out one-by-one. The plurality works together like the God head.

One heart, one soul. We want to be a family on a mission.

Friday 9/12/08 - Tom Bedford

No one wants to be alone. We're wired to want to be in a family.

The glory of the father, the brilliance of the weight of God is what a family is.

When we violate family values we touch something God's weightyness cannot touch.

At the tree of Good + Evil satan gave Adam and Eve the OPTION of following God.

You cannot bring evil, impurities and ungodliness into the family.

Humans cannot contribute to the glory of God, but, we can reveal the essence of His glory through our family.

When you come to get saved you're coming to join a family. Salvation, apart from family, is not true salvation.

Don't bring people to Sunday meetings before bringing them to your home first. Let them see the glory of God through family.

Anyone can be a prophet.

Family is the recipe for glory (under God.) American churches think it's the individual. (OUCH)

Point: The glory of God comes by gift or body.

Eph 2:19 - you're the foundation of christ

The family will be strong in years to come. "I'd much rather be a father than a minister" - Tom

PRAY: "Make us and mold us into the family you want us to be."

I have to say some hard things because I don't want to loose you (like you would with your children, God must do this with us, his children)

The content of preaching is the Bible - not just ideas.

How you see family will eclipse your gift in ministry.

Whenever a gifted leader is around you, it's going to be SOMETHING (i.e., gang or Godly)

Big Wheels & Boards are not what churches are about. Father's serve families.

Fifth click is a charm

2008-09-16T12:48:00.000-05:00

I had to click Post New Blog a million times to get to this screen. Sheesh.

The Fall Conference was awesome. Very mellow and family-like, which was surprisingly nice. No fancy hoops to jump through or being slain in the spirit (well, just one.) Felt homey. Not like homey G but home-like. I wish we could have church while drinking coffee at tables together like that. Maybe corporate prayer? I quite enjoyed Tom Bedford. It was the first time I really connected to his message and took two pages of notes. I couldn't put my pen down or absorb enough of what he was saying. Overall, a great, God-centered, family-buidling time was had.

I APPRECIATE YOU. Yes, you, the reader. Whoever you are, I love you. I love being connected to you and sharing this earth and breathing this fresh, crisp air with you. I am so thankful for every day I wake and every person I encounter. Wasting time complaining, which I too often do, is just that...a WASTE. Let's appreciate the little things, the big things, the people we connect to and even those we do not. It's what God would want and what Jesus would do.

Life is good. I'm glad I have such a wonderful family.

A song, to express myself...

2008-08-29T20:20:00.000-05:00

Thankful by Jonny Lang

Someones standing in a welfare line
Or off the freeway with a hungry sign
Someones stressing bout to lose their mind
I gotta be thankful, thankful

Someone just became a single mother
Someone just lost a sister or brother
Its so important that we love each other
And be Thankful, thankful

Ive gotta take the time to say, that
Im Thankful, thankful
For every single breath that I take
Ive gotta be thankful, thankful

Someones sitting in a prison cell
Wasting away in their own personal hell
Everybodys got their own story to tell
Ive gotta be thankful, thankful Man,
I used to think I didnt have a lot
Now I realize just how much Ive got
Now every day Im gonna take the time and stop to be....

Ive gotta take the time to say, that
Im Thankful, thankful
For every single breath that I take
Ive gotta be thankful, thankful

Any one of these so easily could have been me
But if it had not been for grace and mercy who knows where Id be
Ive been riding on this roller coaster ride
Round and round Ive seen the up and downside
And Im here to tell you that the secret of life is being...

Ive gotta take the time to say, that
Im Thankful, thankful
For every single breath that I take
Ive gotta be thankful, thankful

Happiness...Is This

2008-08-02T10:54:00.000-05:00

It seems I only blog when things are bothering me or when I'm down.
Not every Sunday is a bad one, it is actually more rare to have a bad Sunday than a great Sunday. Last night at prayer Ryan mentioned not taking the kingdom's gifts for granted. Sunday's are the BEST days: we get to worship, pray, be in the presence of God more intensely, visit with God-loving friends and occassionally have lunch with a family or two. I mean why complain about that?! I love it.

Things that make me HAPPY...

Open doors/hearts
My Butler guys
Praying with others
Pop Dan's pasta and gravy
Interacting with different ages/sexes/personalities
REAL conversations (these are hard to come by)
Invites (these are VERY appreciated)
Grace of God

Those are just a few things that I am more than happy to have in my life.

Sunday Blues

2008-07-28T22:55:00.001-05:00

I had another one of THOSE Sunday's yesterday.
Something inside of me takes over and the demonic take over. It's messed up and I feel I have zero control over it. It's beyond bad.

I went up and prayed for two sisters and it turned around that one of those girls prayed for me. Funny how insecurities can keep you from going up to an altar call. Funny? More like pathetic. Get over yourself Kerri! I should have been up there when they mentioned bitterness. I am the bitterness queen, sadly. Getting over stuff is hard work and as much as I pray to forgive I just can't get over some things. While some are way pety I still clutch onto them like a trendy Coach clutch...but uglier.

4th of July (photos)

2008-07-05T15:27:00.000-05:00

Connections

2008-06-28T11:17:00.000-05:00

When a Jehovah's Witness comes to your door it sticks in your head and, if you're like me, you tell someone(s) "A Jehovah's Witness came to my door today, blah blah."
I know there's usually a negative connotation with these types of encounters.

Imagine the kind of impact we could have on people if we at least mentioned Jesus to one person a day/week/month. It'll stick in their head and they may spread the word, hopefully in a positive manner, to others.

Reminds me of Six Degrees of Separation. Be the vessel that brings people to Jesus.

Summer....

2008-06-20T12:45:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the longest day of the year: the first day of summer.

I am not the biggest fan of summer as I really don't like being overly hot.
Plus, where's the beach? I guess if we had a beach I'd complain about having to wear
a bathing suit. Yay for no beach.

Summer also rocks. Freckles sprout. Cool, tasty treats are consumed on a regular basis.
Kids swim and I take pictures (pool pictures are the best.) Schedules are thrown out of whack. BBQ's are had. [Nothing like food from the grill.] Flip flops flop frequently.

Back from Beantown

2008-06-11T12:49:00.000-05:00

We are back from Boston.

While I greatly enjoy the trip it's so good to be home.

Life is Splendid

2008-05-23T18:07:00.000-05:00

God reminded me again today why walking with Him is the only way to walk.

While talking to my aunt Steph and uncle Kenny on the phone this evening I realized
that holding grudges and clutching onto bitterness, like they currently do towards their sibling, is
such a waste of time. I explained to them that I get together with some friends
weekly (when life isn't so crazy) for a devotional and we've been talking a lot of loving those
we don't necessarily like. That's HARD work but it can be done. I hope it shed some light
that bitterness is not the answer.
Out of me saying that my aunt let me in on a secret: she's quite spiritual and has been
all her life. I was a little surprised that it was a big secret that she kept tucked away until this very day. She'd always been a very uplifting woman so it didn't surprise me that she's spiritual
but her keeping it mum was odd. At any rate, the conversation was great. They thought I was
holding onto feelings of resentment towards them all these years. I explained there are no such
feelings which helped them to move on and know they should carry no such feelings.

The conversation was uplifting for both parties and made me fall in love with my walk with God a little bit more.

"...you don't know what you've got til it's gone..." are lyrics from a song that I'm sure Patti will be able to recall. Makes me think of all I was missing before I was found. Being saved is splendid.

(FOR FUN)

splen·did –adjective

1. gorgeous; magnificent; sumptuous.
2. grand; superb, as beauty.
3. distinguished or glorious, as a name, reputation, victory, etc.
4. strikingly admirable or fine: splendid talents.
5. excellent, fine, or very good: to have a splendid time.
6. brilliant in appearance, color, etc.

A Bird Saved My Day

2008-05-19T11:17:00.000-05:00

I was a complete and utter brat yesterday morning before church.

Nasty things were said and done for which I am ashamed and have since repented.

While in my worst stage I dropped Phil off at church and drove off in a horrific mood.

I pulled into my driveway and a bird was right in my path. I beeped several times and the

bird would not budge. I swore at the bird. Nothing happened. I shut my car off and jingled

my keys at the bird. Nothing. The little bird looked at me and puffed up but did not budge, as

if it were telling me to stop being so stupid, get over myself and get back in my car.

So I did that. I reversed my car and drove to church. I was mad at and thankful for that bird

all at once.

Thanks for coming to me in bird-form God. You're funny.

I took a picture for those who may think this is a too-good-to-be-true tale.

Canned Corn-eating Saturday

2008-05-17T16:46:00.001-05:00

I'm weird. I eat canned corn as a meal.

There was a time in life when I did this regularly but not so much anymore.
Today, however, is a canned corn kind of day.
Reminds me of my Stop & Shop cashier days when I lived in Marion Gardens (one of the more decent projects of Lynn, Massachusetts.) I probably ate the canned corn because it was all there was in the cabinet.
Today I eat the canned corn because I bought it last nigth at Wal-mart with intentions of eating it when on the run. I bought no meat or anything of real sustinance: just canned corn and a few other items.
Now this may not mean much to you but makes me wonder what my deal is.

Since we're on the subject of food....Food & Family magazine is wonderful. It's FREE! Who sends free magazines with awesomely simple ideas? Food & Family does, that's who. Amazing.

Now if only I knew what to do with these pots, pans and ingredients...

$ $ $...

2008-05-07T09:40:00.001-05:00

What are you doing with your stimulus payment?