A new life

My brother Jeff and his wife Nicole had a baby girl yesterday!  


Madelyne Beverly Clay 8lb 13oz, 21 1/4" long. Born 4/20/10 at 8:22 a.m.  
Beverly is my late grandmothers first name.  Maddy's a chubby-cheeked little girl!  
Jeff and Nicole tried several times determining the babies sex but she was stubborn and they never knew until yesterday. 

Maddy and mommy 

Madelyne and big sister Samantha

The (growing) Clay family

  

Wedding and Easter April 2010

(Jonathan and) Kate; no longer the newest newlywed couple but still very much newlyweds

 Ugo & Amy's first dance as husband and wife

 Ellen (E-Trav) and Amy P. partying it up

The Brooks on Easter Sunday.  The kids did not cooperate well therefore this is the best photo 

of the two dozen snapped.  Still a cute bunch. 

The Butler bunch

Saved...again

I am certain I was saved again last night at prayer.  

It was amazing.

New addition to the garage

I got a new bike.  Oh the places I can go!  Wind blowing through my hair, the feel of the pavement below me, going left then right then left again.  Very exciting. 
 Now I'll just need a new pair of sneakers like Patti suggests ( Patti's sneaker blog )

Overwhelming joy

Friends you are AMAZING.  
I received, quite possibly, the best birthday present ever: a scrapbook with letters from my closest friends letting me know how loved I am.  Tears dripped down my soggy cheeks letter by letter.  Words really cannot express how blessed I am.  How blessed I feel.  


Thank you a million thank you's.  This is just what I was needing.

Everyone but me

I have been sad.  Extremely sad.  Since Sunday February 14, 2010 I have been in a state of off-and-on sadness.  I could not for the life of me figure out what my deal was.  I'd put on a chipper face at work and charm a smile for many a customer but as soon as I got  home all I wanted to do was sleep, eat, or sulk.  Pathetic to the highest degree, I was.  February fourteenth started out well enough aside from being particularly emotional.  I recall having a conversation in the sanctuary that day with Gabe Squires.  We talked and talked well passed the lights being shut off on us.  The conversation was weighty and revolved mostly around having children.  I brushed off the conversation in my mind, or so I thought I did, and went on with the day.  
Last night was especially hard on me.  I couldn't make up my mind over which couch to sit on, whether I wanted my sweatshirt off or on; basically I was indecisive and difficult to be around.  Poor Phil just kept his calm and continued writing an email to his boss as I whined from the love seat.  Nothing on tv appealed to me.  Sitting there was driving me nuts.  Every little thing bothered me.  I wanted Phil to ask me what was wrong.  I sat there and wept, hard.  Before I could mutter a word Phil said something along the lines "I know it's hard for you."  I believe I fell more in love with him at that moment.  He knew what was wrong.  He knew and I didn't even know.  "I can't describe how I'm feeling, I am just so sad" I replied.  "Everyone is pregnant, I get it" he loving, empathetically comforted me.  I cried so hard for a good thirty minutes and let it all out. Not being able to have kids of my own finally hit me all at once.  He hugged me. He told me how much he adores me.  He made me feel amazing.  I had no idea how much it could hurt.  He did.  He knew the time would come that reality would hit and I would feel helpless, like a failure of a woman, so empty inside.  He didn't have to ask.
He made me feel like a complete woman for the first time in a long time.

The Great Cookie Debate; get a clue.

"Where are the girl scouts? More importantly, where are the cookies?"


Little did I know a simple Facebook status would turn into a thirty-comment discussion leaning towards our church being a discriminatory one.  I think people just want to argue.  Especially the liberal, close-minded, self-centered, left winged crazies who are full of hatred and darkness.  It makes me angry to think I was once so ignorant.  


Phil and I discussed how much we've changed over the past few years.  How apathetic I once was.  How I would be so agreeable with everyone to avoid any type of confrontation.  How Phil was much less in-your-face about his passions, about his passionate dislike for Wal-mart, about how much he's grown.  How much we've both grown. The only reason we're more confident in our selves is because our self is not the center of our lives.  God is.  Loving another more than yourself really changes things.  Loving Jesus more than yourself changes everything.  


Someone with no clue saying our church discriminates makes me enraged.  It makes me want to shove a cookie down such a persons throat.  BUT because I have love in my heart I actually feel sorry for the people living in such darkness.  Get a clue.  See the light.  See that there is more to life than yourself. 


Still, I'd love some Thin Mints. 

Connection Lost

I am missing friends a lot these days.  So much so that I'm starting to complain, blame them, and become...bitter.  None of which I want to do or feel.  I should reach out to my friends and let them know how I am feeling, that I am missing them instead of sulking like a child.

I need to reconnect with so many people.  Living in Joplin is lovely but I am starting to feel the strain a bit.  Finding the middle ground between family and friends is a balancing act that I must figure out.

God help me to not be resentful or remain bitter about my own foolish thoughts.  Help me take initiative and reach out to others instead of trying to let them figure out how I am feeling.  People are not mind-readers.  Also, please make this snow stop.  Help those traveling reach their businesses, homes, or destinations safely.  Amen.

Get Me Right - Dashboard Confessional

I made my slow way home
Limping on broken bones
Out of the thickest pine
Across the county lines
On to your wooden stairs
I know you can repair
I know you've seen the light
I know you'll get me right

Right
Right
Right

I own a sinners heart
I know the rain falls hard
I know the currency
I know the things you'll need
I hope he hears my prayers
I see you cut your hair
I know the saving type
I know you'll get me right

Right
Right
Right

But, Jesus I've fallen
I don't mind the rain if
I meet my maker
I'll meet my maker clean

But, Jesus the truth is
I've struggled so hard to believe
I'll meet my maker
I'll need my maker

To cure of my doubting blood
And drain me of the sins I love
And take from me my disbelief
I know it should come easily
But it remains inside of me
It battles and devours me
It cuddles up the side of me
And whispers it convinces me I'm

Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right
Right

I love....

and...

My (new) car.

I love many other things but at this very moment these two are first, after Jesus of course.

Positive, Encouraging...KLOVE

Something has changed on the inside of me.

I've put aside my indie rock and roll CD's for Christian radio.  90.7 KLOVE is programmed as my number one station.  I have John, the boy who once shouted "why are we listening to church music, it's not Sunday", now singing "Kwoooooove."  (He's working on his "L's" still.)

As a little reminder to myself of how far I've come I will re-post the photo of the "Jesus bird" (from 5/15/08) that would not let me go home the day I tried leaving church due to moodiness and sin.

Life is good.

Standing still (a bit of a ramble)

Life is pretty awesome these days.
I have a great family, awesome friends, an adorable apartment, my dream car, and a fun job.  
When life goes so well I tend to focus on the things that need improvement.  I should soak up all the goodness and enjoy how great things are but I tend to focus on the less great areas that need attention.  School, for instance, ties-in many aspects of my 'dark' areas of life.  I am considering taking photography classes at MSSU.  Either that or going in the total opposite direction and taking social work classes (just that'd be a stretch, as much as I'd love it.)  I don't know just how passionate I am about photography.  Wait, that's false.  I adore taking photos.  I don't love editing photos.  Plus, with so many photographers around it's hard to compete - especially when I'm not a confident, skilled photographer.  That's why classes would help.  
I feel I am at such a stand-still right now.  Like I have to make a decision about my future and not just go with the flow, even though it's a nice life flow.  I want more.  I want to be more.  Target is a fine job but making lattes is not a career.  It feels like a transitional job.  Just yesterday my ninety-day review was written and it mentioned me moving up in the company.  The excitement in knowing another has that much faith in my performance is rewarding.  I just feel I've taken ten steps back in where I am currently working.  

Can you say Ramble McRamble Queen? I sure do know how to ramble on and on.  What I'm trying to say is I think it's time to look to the future and figure out where I want to go.  I'll continue to ask God where he wants to take me.  Until then, maybe you could say a little prayer for me.

Second attempt

For accountability purposes I am publicly stating that I am starting P90x (lean version) again today.  I started last week and somehow took three days off so I am re-starting the intense program today.  Please do ask me how it is going.  I will try to touch base on how the workouts are and if they prove to be effective.

A special shout out/thanks to Ugo for the daily accountability text message!

Here's to a leaner me in 90 days!

Intention of 2010

My goal for 2010 is to send hand-written notes/letters to friends and family who live far away. There's nothing like receiving mail, especially from a dear friend. As mentioned in a previous blog, receiving mail is one of life's simple pleasures.

I'm off to a good start with two stamped and ready-to-be-mailed note cards.

A look back at 2009 through my planner

For some reason even-numbered years appeal to me more than the odd years. 2010 will be a good year. I'll make it good by focusing on God first then everything else that distracts me. Happy New Year to all!

Back in March I wrote something in my 2009 planner about March's. I guess I should jot it down before I toss the old planner. Then I will recall all the cool little things I wrote in my planner throughout the year. My memory is not as sharp as it once was and this is like a little timeless vault of memories for me to go back to.

March's

March 2004 - Blacked out from drinking too much alcohol. Went to the ER the next day and was hooked up to IV's for 2 hours.

March 2005 - Phil and I broke up due to jealousy and sinful ways. Moved back to Massachusetts.

March 2007 - I was baptised in the holy spirit. Best March of my life.

March 2009 - Was part of God's work in the wedding of a pastor's oldest daughter.

These may seem like silly little lines about March's over the years but it's part of my testimony. To see God shape my life so drastically over just six years is quite awesome. I am blessed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of 2008 and 2009 in review, according to my 16-month planner....

9/7/08 - Pop Dan spoke of his freedom from leukemia. God is a healer. Alter call to get filled with the holy spirit. This was a personal move closer to God for me.

9/3/08 - Started Zumba classes. Took a total of 4 classes.

9/21/08 - Tennyson - Words of encouragement move you forward. It's like a breath of fresh air in a smoke-filled room. (Hebrews 3:13) Ways to find encouragement: Scripture, Prayer time, Faith in God, and Through songs/music. "Work hard. Do a good job. Be a blessing." - Chris Sterrett said this to his kids every morning.

9/24/08 - "Home group 7pm - ROCKED!"

9/28/09 - Patti's housewarming party 6:30-8:30pm

10/9/08 - Started meeting with Obi for his school research project about families.

10/19/08 - Joe Noga: "To be salt we must touch the world, to be light we must reinforce the church."

10/22/08 - Notes from home group: "We don't have the excuse of ignorance. Everything - and I do mean EVERYTHING - connected with that old way of life has to go." - Scott Parish

Ask yourself "Is what I'm doing pleasing to God?"

11/3/08 - One year wedding anniversary.

11 & 12/08 - Poel practice! Practice! Practice!

12/27/08 - Jay Lotterer preached: "The condition of your life changes whether you're ready (for it to) or not." Micah and Sarah are back until the 23rd!

1/22-1/23/09 - BOSTON!

2/5/09 - Worst brain "ache" of my life 10:15pm

2/12-2/14/09 - Marriage conference in Branson.

2/22/09 - Scott Squires notes: If we're not aware of God and living for Him, we're not living. Always love God; God never meant for us to live compartmentalized lives. You'll drive yourself crazy if you try living for God AND in the your old ways.

3/14/09 - Kreighbaum/Jachura wedding

4/6-4/20/09 - Flu, strep throat, bronchitis, sinus infection, viral infection.

4/19/09 - Notes from Doug preaching: Six Common Causes of Disobedience to God's design -

1. Not walking with Jesus through the scripture

2. Foolishness/Pride - the sin of Satan

3. Unbridled selfishness

4. Failure to see things/judge ourselves in Christ

5. Failure to overcome relational sins

6. Lack of Godly Fear (Eph. 4:25 & Eph. 5:21)

4/21/09 - Gave my notice at Mt. Carmel after almost being forced to quit.

5/6/09 - Corporate prayer. Prayed for the seniors. Gave a word to Kelsea about being light everywhere she goes.

5/8/09 - Day day working for Mt. Carmel

5/21-5/28/09 - BOSTON! Extended my trip since I wasn't working.

5/29/09 - Relay For Life event. My last year on the committee.

6/1-6/5/09 - Vacation Bible School. "Camp counselor Kerri"

6/11-6/16/09 - Jake and John went to Disney World with their grandparents

6/20/09 - First of three Worship in the Park's

6/22/09 - The Fire Work stand in Saginaw, MO opens! Let the moldy fun begin.

7/18/09 - Car Care

8/1/09 - Saw Wicked in Tulsa, OK for Patti's birthday. Great time!

8/23/09 - Scott Parish church notes:

The three V's of Forgiveness:

1. Victim

2. Vigilante

3. Victor

8/30/09 - Moved to Joplin, Missouri with the help of many friends. (Thanks again!)

9/6/09 - Scott Squires notes from church: "Blur the lines. There's no black and white in society - only in the Bible. It's a book of light and dark that are continually in opposition of one another." Be zealous NOT apathetic. We were made for this; to display the kingdom. Repentance is the doorway to every revival. The beginning of the end of every battle is an awakening.

9/13/09 - CHS Fundraiser meetings start at the Angeles'.

9/23-9/25/09 - Fall conference

10/17/09 - Kreighbaum/Sperry wedding. Micah was back to take photos!

10/30/09 - CHS Fall Festival. David Gray and Doug got slimmed!

11/8/09 - Doug's notes...

World view 2 questions: 1. What's the problem? 2. What can be done/solution?

World view answers: "isms" Capitalism, socialism, communism, secular humanism, fascism and globalism

11/3/09 - Second wedding anniversary!

12/6/09 - Doug's notes... Mother Theresa said "The worst disease in today's world is not leprosy or cancer: it is the feeling of being uncared for, unwanted, of being deserted and alone."

Hindrances to building the House of God:

1. Some don't want it.

2. Some say they want it but aren't willing to pay the price.

3. Some say they want it but feel no one else does and lose heart.

4. Some find it hard and give up.

5. Some find life too busy.

6. Some think it'll happen magically.

"If a man wants friends he must show himself friendly" - Proverbs 18:24

12/20/09 - Doug's notes... When it comes to evangelism our fears and past experiences work against us. Light shall shine out of darkness. Light exposes darkness. Jesus shines in our hearts. Testifying: it's hard to make a case without witnesses. We're called to testify. It's hard to object to what you've seen with your own eyes.